


Bravest thing

by Octoberrose11



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/F, Girl Direction, Louis Has An Eating Disorder, Suicidal Action, Suicidal Thoughts, i wrote it in like 2015 during a major depressive episode, idk what this is, louis needs therapy, no one actually dies tho, self hatred, sorry in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 17:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17708252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Octoberrose11/pseuds/Octoberrose11
Summary: Louis looked herself in the eye in the mirror and told herself sternly, “You’re fine. Nothing’s wrong with you.” And she believed it.Until she couldn’t anymore.NOTE: I was going through my blog last night and i found this. several ppl told me to go ahead and post it so here it is. It's really sad so be prepared





	Bravest thing

The thing is she doesn’t exactly know when she started to feel like this…. This numbness. She knows, realistically, that she’s dealt with depression and eating disorders and even suicide attempts her whole life but the point of the matter was she had it managed. She had been fine. 

 

Until she suddenly wasn’t.

 

Her medicine stopped working maybe, or maybe her hormones got out of whack but the point was she was staring down a pill bottle and wondering why the fuck she couldn’t be brave enough just to take them, just to end her pain finally. 

 

She was in the middle of a sold out world tour, had the best and most beautiful girlfriend in the world, was one of the members of the biggest girl bands of all time and was worth more then any new friends her friends decided to make. 

 

Shaking her head she stood up and went to look at herself in the mirror, knowing she had dinner plans with the other girls in about an hour. What she saw made her wince. There was no way she was going to be able to cover this up. At this point she didn’t even know if she wanted to try, she could blame it off on allergies or having a fight with her mom. 

 

Louis looked herself in the eye in the mirror and told herself sternly, “You’re fine. Nothing’s wrong with you.” And she believed it.

Until she couldn’t anymore. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zayn left. 

 

Zayn left. 

 

Zayn had said horrible things about her. Things that made her cry when no one else was around because she knew they were true. The fans rallied around her and tried to tell her how wonderful she was but Zayn left. 

 

She stopped eating. 

 

She couldn’t look at herself in the mirror anymore. She was so fat. So useless. Who in their right mind could love her? Everyone left her. The band didn’t need her. 

She knew the others girls worried about her but she was fine. She was. There was no need to worry. So what if she was going through a pack of smokes a day or drinking herself to sleep every night. She was fine. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

She wasn’t fine. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t fair, the fact that Niall was the one that found her. 

Actually none of this was fair. 

The fact that she was having a mental break down in the middle of a tour, the fact that her best friend in the whole world fucked off to keep her girlfriend happy, the fact that she and Harry had been fighting for months now or even the fact that no one bloody noticed how close she was to breaking down all the fucking time. 

So yeah it wasn’t fair that Niall was the one that found her. 

Niall was the one that held her while the whole story came tumbling out, sobs shaking her shoulders at two AM while her girlfriend was downstairs dancing with strangers. It was Niall who drove her to an emergency therapist six hours later, holding her hand while she was waiting in the waiting room. It was Niall who counted out her new pills for her, eight of them now, to make her feel better. 

It was Niall who held her, who didn’t promise her it would get better. It was Niall who finally saw her, who finally listened.


End file.
